21 years old and loving it!!!

.. A few months still to go of the pregnancy … my husband is starting to … for some reason or the other look around :-( …

I saw how he was looking at the 18 year old that was flirting with him … No … I am just being silly … he loves me too much to cheat on me! And I am carrying his baby! No! I am being silly!

I suppose it is the pregnancy that it doing this to me … my body is out of shape and I am not sexy anymore - he has not even said that he loves me for the past month … I suppose we are both stressing a bit.

To be parents in today's world is not cheap and he still has to graduate … but all will be okay … it has always been okay with us … I must just chill and love him as always and not be jealous :-)

22 years old and loving it!!

Well the new member of the family has arrived!!!

Giving birth is very very very sore!!! I do not think I will have another baby again!!!

BUT my baby is the prettiest baby in the WORLD!!!

I love HIM soooo much!!! And his Daddy loves him sooo much too!!!

I am breastfeeding. It is the most wonderful feeling to see this small human being that is so vulnerable and so  relying on me for surviving - being fed and nurtured!!

I LOVE BEING A MOTHER!!!!

I will give my life for this child of us!!

Daddy is also very happy - he is planning what they are going to do when little one is 21 years old already!! Taking him to places to learn about life!! Ouch - I do not like that !!!

But I hope that does not happen to my son …. Going to places where whores are …. No … not my son!!! Please GOD not my son!!!

Strip clubs … No GOD not my son .. Please protect him from evil things like that!!!

When I was young those things were not as evil as it is now when I think that this precious little boy must go and be corrupt in places like that!

23 years old and not loving it!!!

Daddy got so side-tract

I suppose I have been too busy with our baby ….

We separated and now I am a single Mom :-(  Help me God I am so scared!!!

How can I work and bring up this lovely baby!! He does not even know what is happening … he is always laughing and smiling!

How I would have loved to have his dad with him!!!

How is he going to grow up without a father in the house?

Ahh I have a plan! I will find another Daddy for him!!

I always have a plan!!

24 years old and not loving it!!!

Life is so unfair!! How can a Father sign-off his son and choose another wife !!

How can I woman ask a man to choose between his child and her?

What about the child?!

…….. what about the child?!

25 Years old and not loving it!!!

Will he ever be happy without the guidance of his Father in his life?

Does he NEED a Father in his life?

Only time will tell … I think he will be okay growing up without a Dad in his life :-)

I will be his Mommy and his Daddy - I will teach him what his Daddy cannot teach him.

At 3 years old he is such a blessing!! I love my son sooo much. I will never let him down … never ever.

But a tragedy struck him just after his birthday :-( … he ran out of rebellion away from me because I did not want to

buy him a soda and he ran in front of a vehicle … he flew meters through the air !!!

Lying on the hot tar road with a crowd around him!!! I ran away and shouted God help me! God help me! My son is dead!!

Mom was with us today, she has first aid … she kept calm and checked him thoroughly … he is not dead , just unconscious, not a broken neck or arms but has a broken pelvis and upper leg broken!!

My son!!! I am so sorry!! What pain you must be going through! Why are you so rebellious?

Why ? …

I am driving with him in the ambulance … he is still unconscious … just pipes and needles and all kinds of things that the medics attach to him!!! Oh … my baby!!! God!!! Please help!!!

29 Years old and ….

Well my son is now totally healed and I am earning a substantial salary monthly!

Everything turned out just fine :-)

All my friend s are so rebellious .. Having fun, drinking, motorcycles, loud music, fast cars and just enjoying life.

Doing modelling, beauty competitions … life is great!

All of a sudden my heart starts beating faster that it can handle! I feels as if I am going to die!! I know

if this keeps on my heart is going to snap!! It cannot beat faster … I know … I have over dosed!! Oh God help!!

I see Satan walking towards me … His is coming to fetch me … I am going straight to hell .. He is wearing a black hood and his eyes are bloodshot red …

My heart is still going at 200 beats per minute … I am going to die!!! My heart is going to stop!!! It is going to snap! The muscles cannot keep up with this!

A voice like thunder enters my mind! I see a bible as big as the horizon … a thumb flipping it open

… the voice says thundering … THIS IS WHAT YOU LIVE ACCORDINGLY … FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END!!!

I see a newspaper… I am on the front page .. My son and Mom and grandmother is on it as well … the heading:

MOM DIES OF OVERDOSE … SON STAYS ALONE BEHIND!

I AM DEAD!

No God!! Please deliver me from the evil one!! …

Immediately the palpitations stop! God saved me!

I must get back to Mom … living in Johannesburg is going to kill me!

….. my son is now 13 years old

With a shock I found out that he is on drugs!

…. Why? … why is he so rebellious?

…. For 7 years …. Up to the age of 20 … he is still on it … all his friends say he has issues ….

"Mom … I want my Dad" … I hear that more than once … "Mom where is my Dad!!!"

My heart breaks every time my sons asks me …. "I am so sorry Babes!!!"

He is broken … searching for his Dad … Where can you find a man that you have not had contact with for decades???

The more my son asks where is his Dad … the more I see how broken he is … of hurt … of not having a Father in his life …

How could I ever think that I can be the Father and the Mother!!??

God made male and female for a reason …. Now I am learning all these things after I have ruined my life and my sons life and  … also my sons children's life … if things do not change drastically!!!

God help!! How can my sons find his Dad?

Please help my son God … he is broken … he needs a Father!! And he needs You Lord!!!

We have been so lost our hole life Lord … so lost … and just because of one mistake I made when I was young and I loved being rebellious!!

Now I see what that rebellion did to my life, the man that I loved so much's life and my precious son's Life …  if only I listened to Mom and DAD!!

Help my God … Please help my Son God!!! Please God!!! Please!!!!